Sleep tips for ADHD and autism minds. Busy minds don’t just calm down because it is dark outside or because it supposedly is bedtime. Bedtime? When your mind is still doing overtime? How can you relax if your head is still full of the impressions of the day? When you feel wide awake? What does help your special needs child sleep with an overactive ADHD brain?
All the conventional sleep tips like turning off TV well before bedtime, a warm bath, reading a bedtime story (seriously I read for at least half an hour), none of them worked for wonderboy. We realized (after a few years) it had to do with the fact that he simply couldn’t turn off his mind. In this blog, I share how and why playing with Legos was the solution for wonderboy and give you 8 tips that might help the mind of your overactive kid (or yours) relax and get ready for bed. Happy dreams!
Late night Lego’s
I’ll never forget this one time when wonderboy was about 2 or 3 years old. Me and superdad went to bed and suddenly heard all these Lego noises. We go up to wonderboy’s room and there he was happily playing with his Duplo (the bigger Lego), looking at us going ‘well that’s fun, you’re joining?’
That he played with Lego’s wasn’t a big surprise. We also didn’t see it as a problem he didn’t fall asleep straight away when we put him to bed (coming from a notorious line of night owls). But playing with Lego’s at 11 pm? It took us some time before we realized that playing with Lego’s was his way to process the day. Building, sorting, fidgeting. Not for a few minutes. But for an hour. At least. Age 18 he still does this.
The traditional sleep tips
As a young family we tried to follow the traditional rules: a dark room, reading an extra bedtime story, no stimulating activities, no tv an 1,5 before bedtime, a warm bath or shower.
Needless to say they didn’t work for our wonderboy whose brain never stops.
Why can’t my kid sleep?
Before we go straight to the solutions, first observe your kid’s behavior. Because it can give you some valuable insights into what the cause of the problem may be, but also what your kid really needs.
- What time of the day is your kid most easygoing?
- When, if any, do the temper tantrums appear?
- What’s your kid’s favorite toy?
- Does that toy help your kid relax, calm down. And if not, what does?
- Does your kid babble or talk about what happened during the day or does he/she keep it more to itself?
- Does your kid (need to) sleep a lot in order to have a good day? Or are they fine with less hours – maybe even stopped taking naps at daytime at say 1.5 years old?
I am telling you this, because we often see ourselves as a morning or evening person. We have no problem getting up at the crack of dawn or thrive when the clock strikes midnight. Your mini-me has a preference as well. Wonderboy is like me – we come from a long line of night owls. Don’t need much sleep. My husband and supergirl on the other hand are morning persons and need way more sleep.
Sleep rituals for children
How my kids fell asleep is also a big difference. When one year old, I could hear my son happily babbling to his stuffed rabbit for quite some time before he fell asleep, while my daughter was a grumpy baby who needed to cry the day off for 10 minutes…
But while my son babbled a lot to his rabbit, he didn’t to us. At least not to the extent of my daughter who can talk and needs to talk A LOT.
So, they differ. What helps them fall asleep also differs.
Sleep tips for children with ADHD or autism
Hereby my to-go tips. Test and tweak.
- Playing. Yes, you’ve heard that correctly. Wonderboy needed his Lego to help him sort his day, his mind. Your kid might need a tea party with its stuffed animals all in a circle around him/her. Or perhaps it needs to draw, journal, read or solve a puzzle (focus on one task can numb the noises insight one’s mind). Playing doesn’t necessarily means your kid will re-energize. On the contrary… it can help your kid calm down. It’s like me and quilting: it helps me focus on just one thing and thus numbs all.the.thoughts and thus helps me relax. So, playing is my tip number 1.
- Music or meditation app. For adults you have the Calm app with stories, the sound of rain and whatever. But you also have apps or YouTube videos that tune in to so-called alpha-waves. Wonderboy used Andrew Johnson’s Relax+ app for kids for years. Nothing better than the soothing sound of a heavy Scottish or Welsh accent helping you to tune out your inner voices and focus on relaxing your body really.
- Massage or ‘squeezing’. When my kids where younger I gave them mini massages. Just for a few minutes. It can really help the body to let go of stress. Supergirl – now 16 – still loves this. Of course, in her case with her JIA it helps even more. But a lot of special needs kids can build up tension in their body throughout the day, so why not give it a go?
- In line with a massage: if you have a kid that is really into hugging, a comforting arm around him or her… a heavy or weighted blanket might help as well. I still love a very heavy fluffy bed cover – my son hates that by the way, having the feeling it restrains him.
- When you’re done with reading Little Bear for the 3rd time… why not put on an audiobook, use a story-telling app, or let them listen to YouTube. Wonderboy’s physiatrist said years ago that there is more and more evidence that outer noise for some people with ADHD can numb the inner noise. Wonderboy often listens to background stories of Lord of the Rings for instance: just fellow nerds diving into tiny little details or what-ifs behind the Lord of the Rings saga. Stops the thinking, helps him unwind and thus fall asleep.
A bit different then the first 5 tips but the following might do the trick as well.
- Supplements or vitamins. Magnesium is said to be connected to sleep. Why not give it a go? If you want to go down this path: I’m not a doctor so please talk to your GP or specialist before you start.
- Melatonine. In some countries considered very traditional and the go-to solution. But in other countries sleep drugs like this are still very controversial. It can help, but if you wanna try, don’t just start. Check with your GP. And know: 1. It’s important it’s taken at a specific time so it aligns with your natural sleep clock. Taken on the wrong time might result in: well, nothing. It will just not work. Important: nightmares can be a side-effect. So, when your kid reports this after you started with melatonin… you might wanna stop.
- Amethyst. It is said certain stones might help like amethyst.
Let me know if you tried something of this list and if so/or not what helps your kid fall asleep?
Stay sane, stay happy and sleep!
Nadine