10 Things every kid with autism wish you knew. A list with tips and reassurances from my 18-year-old wonderboy and me.
1. We need more structure.
Please implement or help us implement this in our day-to-day life. It helps us calm our mind and feel in control a bit more. This includes helping us creating a study schedule for exams by the way.
2. I’m not deaf or blind.
I can hear you talk about me. I see your stares. Even when I can’t interpret them.
3. I am very sensitive.
Yes, I have feelings. I might show them in a different way, but it doesn’t mean I don’t love you or that you can’t hurt my feelings (see point 2).
4. Please encourage me. Positively.
I don’t need to be fixed. I just need your help. In a positive way. I doubt myself often enough without you saying I should pay more attention, I can do better and more. I’m trying the best I can.
5. I can’t think simple.
I’m not deliberately trying to be difficult. I think difficult because I see it all and beyond.
I can’t see a forest as a whole. I see a gazillion trees, and no they are not the same even if according to you they are the same type. Don’t you see all the differences? And the bushes. And the animals. And the wind and….
6. You might not get me. I don’t get you either
See the forest example above. How can you NOT notice all the things? Or ignore them? They ALL matter.
7. I need time to process.
Therefore, after school I don’t immediately like to go play outside with the neigbor kids. That’s why after school care is so hard (still rules to follow and social stuff ). That’s why I can’t go to sleep right away when it’s bedtime.
We quickly realized when we send Wonderboy to bed, he needed an hour to play with his Lego’s to process his day. And started using a meditation app for kids too help him fall asleep.
8. I like my corner. Please let me be or create one for me.
This is about family gatherings. Or big parties with a lot of people involved. I get overwhelmed. Because there are sooo many expectations. So many opinions, so much noise, so much strangers (yes grandma I see only twice a year is a stranger) and it is so out of my day to day routine…
Yes, I can handle this. But in order to do so I need to be able to retreat and recharge. So, let me sit in the so-called corner. Create a quiet room just for me (the basement downstairs with all the other grandkids where we can watch tv is not a quiet place) A place where it is quiet and where I can retreat to and recharge.
9. Autism doesn’t mean retarded. (wonderboy’s words).
It is NOT the end of the world. I can do a lot. Even go to college. But please don’t see college as the only way to happiness.
You often hear that brilliant minds think outside the box. But I don’t think outside the box. I think in a different shape.
And that’s just fine. I’ll get there if you let me be myself and help me.
10. Independent doesn’t equal happiness. Or success.
Maybe I’m not fully independent. But that doesn’t mean I can’t be happy. Heck I could even make more money than you!
Wonderboy follows a lot of very successful autistic YouTubers. And some of them may never be fully independent. But that doesn’t mean they are not happy or successful.
It is not about meeting outer expectations. Or what is considered following a normal path. The goal should be my happiness. A college education is not the only way towards that. And living in suburbia neither. Silicon valley is full of guys that not take the normal path. Look up the Dutch marble guy on YouTube. Travels the world. Has followers everywhere. Makes a ton of money. Not totally independent no. But truly happy.
Stay sane and stay happy mom!
X Nadine